Starting a conversation with someone you don’t know.
The first line of dialogue that you use to start a conversation with someone that you don’t know is called an ‘icebreaker’.
An icebreaker can be as simple as “Do you need any help?”, or “Do you need a hand?” (both have the same meaning), or even “Isn’t it a beautiful day?” (a comment about the weather); but the best icebreakers are when you consider carefully what conditions and circumstances surround the situation you’re in.
Before you begin, consider the following:
What is the situation you are in? Are you…
• At a party?
• On a train?
• At a bus stop?
• In a shopping Centre?
What is the weather like?
What is the Gender of the other person?
• Male?
• Female?
What is the age of the other person?
Is there more than one person?
Here are some ‘icebreaker’ examples:
At a Party
“Can I get you something to drink?”
“It’s a great party isn’t it?”
“How do you know ____(the name of the host of the party)?”
“Are you enjoying the party?”
“I was trying to think of something clever to say, but then I remembered that I’m really not that clever. (smile; laugh)… My name is ____. What’s yours?”
“Mind if I join you?”
(Remember that an icebreaker can sometimes be considered to be a ‘pickup line’ when it tries to attract ‘special’ attention of someone of the opposite sex.)
On a Train
“Are you going to____ (the name of the destination) on vacation or on business?”
“Do you travel a lot?”
“It looks like a beautiful day outside.”
At a Bus Stop
“The bus seems to be a little late today”
(Regarding the weather) “It sure is warm today don’t you think?”
My student Anna asked me if the icebreaker “Who is your favourite Superstar?” was good or not. She said that she had used it on a train to good effect. I said that we should look at the circumstances that surrounded the occasion to determine its worth.
I asked these questions to her:
Q. Where was this person situated? A. Sitting next to me on the train.
Q. What gender was the person? A. Female
Q. What age was she? A. Same age as me.
Q. What was she doing at the time? A. Listening to her MP3 player.
I said that her icebreaker was perfect for the situation.
No wonder it worked well!
Learn to express your thoughts, feelings and ideas in English, without worrying how it might translate back into your ‘Mother-tongue’.
Remember that we’re not specifically striving to become an expert ‘Interpreter’ or ‘Translator’. These professionals require great skill in the languages they use.
Our goal at the moment is that when we speak in English, we should think in English.
Having ‘passion’, or being ‘passionate’ means that you have a strong emotion or enthusiasm (interest; eagerness) about someone or something.
You need to find ways to develop a ‘wild’ passion for spoken English!
Here are some ideas:
- Take the areas of your life where you have intense interest (Sport (Basketball, Ping pong etc.), Fashion, English Songs, Poetry, Photography, Cooking etc) and concentrate on conversing (having conversation) about those subjects in English. You’ll talk for hours and hours about the things you love!
- Prepare for the conversations by finding the important ‘keywords’ that you’ll need to express your thoughts, feelings and ideas. For example, if you love the game of Basketball, then learn to explain the rules of the game in English. Teach someone the game of Basketball using English Terminologies (specialised terms).
- If you love Basketball, then use Basketball Terminology in English when you’re playing Basketball. In this way you are introducing the English language into your ‘play time’.
- Use the spoken English skills that you have, now! …and, use them confidently. You can’t be passionate about your spoken English if you’re always shy about using it.
- Have Fun! Be playful sometimes when you’re using spoken English. Make up word games, or use the language in ‘crazy’ ways. You don’t always have to treat your studies so seriously.
Here are some websites for those with a ‘passion’ for Basketball:
Dr. James Naismith’s 13 Original Rules of Basketball
http://www.ncaa.org/champadmin/basketball/original_rules.html
Rules of Basketball
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rules_of_basketball
Basketball Glossary of Terms
http://www.firstbasesports.com/basketball_glossary.html
When you’re having a conversation, it’s common to not understand everything you hear, no matter how focused you are. You need to express this to the other person in a way that is appropriate to the situation. There are many ways to do this, and here we’ll look at some of the ways you can do just that. [click to continue…]
Instead of always feeling uncomfortable about conversation, prepare yourself for it. It will help you to feel more confident when talking to the other person.
Think of issues that interest you most, and what you would like to discuss about particular subjects. Learning to ask simple friendly questions is another conversational tool. Depending on the question, people generally enjoy talking about themselves and their views.
To make interesting conversation, you must be interesting to others. Keep yourself informed on current events, involved in activities, and keep a mental list of good topics of discussion. These are ways to ‘break the ice’ when meeting with others. Discussions of others’ personal lives are ‘taboo’, particularly when speaking of their relationship with their spouse, their finances, or personal problems.
Great topics of conversation are recent news events (locally or world-wide), books, history, technology, music, art, and sports. Topics to avoid are gruesome tales, sex, lengthy talk about your relatives or pets, and yourself. It’s okay to mention things that are going on in your life but it’s easy to get carried away with that topic and become boring.
Try to remember small details about the people you come into contact with. Asking someone about how their ‘basketball game went on the weekend’ is a good way to begin a conversation.
Try to keep the conversation light, humorous, or general. Remember not to hog the conversation either. Allow another person the ‘spotlight’. Do so by asking them a question. Remember that being a good conversationalist is not just the ability to speak well but also the ability to listen well.
The requirement of a good ‘conversationalist’ isn’t just that we speak well, but that we are a good listener also. In our last post we talked about a few skills we need to develop to be a good listener. Here are a few more things to consider: [click to continue…]
Listening skills are very important to carrying on a conversation. You need to follow the topic of conversation and understand what is being said in order to contribute to it.
Listen carefully to what others are saying. People often interpret things said by others in a way that clouds their ability to hear what people are intending to say. By giving your full attention to the speaker, you can hear what they intend for you to hear, instead of what you want to hear.
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Finding confidence to speak in English can help you to not only improve your Spoken English in many ways, it can also reduce the number of mistakes you make.
If you show that you are scared of others and worry about how others perceive (see) you, and if you always worry about what is being said after you walk away from a conversation, then you are always going to have a hard time talking with others about anything. Change your attitude about conversation and what others might think, and concentrate instead on the process of conversation which is words, thoughts, feelings, ideas and knowledge.
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The art of conversation is a learned skill. Happy, successful people are generally good conversationalists. By developing the ability to effectively express yourself in any given situation, you will find that your life will take on new meaning as you share your feelings, ideas, thoughts and knowledge. You can learn how to project an image of yourself as a confident, friendly, and informed person.
Starting a conversation with someone you don’t know.
